Grinding my Gears faces axe!

My New Year's resolution is to be a bit more kind to all the good men on this earth and lay off them, but just for this gap in the paper.

And I should probably start with the arch nemesis - my friend and yours Mr (smooth-faced) Mondeo Man.

This week he told us his friction-less spade was because he has no children.

Wait I can't do that - no I must resist, so instead I'll let the good man himself take over the reigns of this institution and regale you with his wisdom.

So it's over to Mondeo Man, who should probably reveal himself - although hopefully you don't see his scabby leg - no one should ever have to see that.

So here is the ever/sometimes nebulous Mr Aiken....

EDITOR'S NOTE:- Now there's a cheek, a couple of years ago Dr Grinding practically begged me to give him his own column. I gave him the opportunity to write a motoring column with the notion I could have a future Clarkson under my wing.

Within an all too short period of time the column drifted away from matters motoring to just about anything that crossed the space between Mr Bell's ears.

Pick of the bunch was a rather questionable poem/song about a soupy back. I forgave him this in the spirit of allowing a young journalist - he keeps telling us he's 19 (although his birth certificate says otherwise) - a chance to find his wings.

Then this mysterious character Dr Grinding was born - definitely not Superman to Bell's Clarke Kent!

Dr Grinding's ego then began to write cheques his body couldn't cash by having a go at his boss - did no one in that fancy high-falutin' journalism school tell him you don't slag off the editor ie boss ie ME!

His angle of attack? My pride and joy, the thing I love most in all the world (including the wife) - my Jaguar X-Type.

He christened me Mondeo Man and I tolerated it. He slagged said car and has run down my good name in the eyes of the community. I could sue but as editor I wouldn't get far.

Now to add insult to injury he writes half a column and expects me to finish it for him! What's even worse I'm fool enough to do it.

With that in mind I'm going to give you - the reader - a say. Seeing as there's an election no one cares about in the offing I'm going to introduce another waste of time poll. If you want to keep Grinding My Gears in the Lurgan Mail text LMCOMMENT followed by the word 'YES' to 81800.

However, if you feel Grinding should be consigned to the deepest, darkest level of the big black filing cabinet labelled bin, text LMCOMMENT followed by the words 'Bell made another blunder' to 81800.

The future of Grinding my Gears is now in your hands!