D’ya hear yer man

I got two DVDs out of Xtra-vision at the weekend which could well cost me several hundred pounds.

It’s a few years since I’ve been to Xtra-vision and while I was expected the prices to have gone up, I wasn’t anticipated quite such a hike.

Okay, so it wasn’t the DVDs that ended up costing me a small fortune, it was my own stupidity.

Having paid for the rental of the two discs I left the store at Conswater Retail Park, strapped Lucy into the back seat, got into my car, then reversed into a Mini.

Or more specifically, a blue Mini with the ability to become temporarily invisible.

It wasn’t a major impact and my VW Golf, known affectionately as Bungee, didn’t sustain so much as a scrape. Unfortunately Bungee left his mark on the front right panel of the Mini.

I’m not sure whether the correct term is a dent or a dint, but either way, in spite of the miniscule size of the damage I remain fearful of the amount I’m going to have to fork out to have it repaired.

I don’t know how much it’s going to cost, but I’m preparing myself for the worst.

The irony of ironies is the accident happened the same day Bungee passed his MOT and just a week after I took sole ownership of the car for the purposes of my daily commute to my new place of work at Carn.

While I accept 90% of the blame for the accident, the other 10% is down to this country’s climate.

Myself, Karen and Lucy had been making our way to Xtra-vision on foot when the skies opened and we were forced to turn back for home and make a motorised journey instead.

Looking back at the bump, I almost wish I’d driven into something inanimate, like a gatepost or a bollard, and damaged my own car instead. That way I’d have got the message that I need to be more careful when reversing without the embarrassment and ungovernable financial sting of involving a third party.

Incidentally the two movies I got were ‘Headhunters’ and ‘The Guard’. They were both good films, particularly ‘The Guard’, but given the impending payout for my motoring misdemeanour, the enjoyment was never going to outweigh the cost.

All I can say is thank goodness I left the films back on time. I don’t think I could have coped with the late return fee to add insult to injury.

Doctoring the weather

I’ve already had a go at the weather in this week’s column, listing it as a contributing factor in my multi-million pound smash.

But unlike a certain doctor made famous in a nursery rhyme, I have come to accept that the weather is unpredictable, and it would be unfair to make rash decisions based on the climate in a given place at a given time.

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain, he stepped in a puddle right up to his middle and vowed never to come back again.

I’d like to remind the good doctor that ‘never’ is a long time.

What if he’s called to Gloucester for a medical emergency? Would he say he couldn’t go because the last time he was there he got a bit wet?

I wonder if Doctor Foster has ever been to Northern Ireland.

If he has, we can only hope he visited on the one day of the year it didn’t rain. Otherwise I fear we could end up with a scathing review on Trip Advisor at the hands of the pig-headed GP.

Weekly teaser

The answer to last week’s teaser was: it will take five return trips (nine separate trips) whilst ensuring the weight in the boat is less than 150 pounds.

1. The two sons (75 + 75 = 150) cross together and one comes back (75). 2. The mother rows across (145) and the boy on his own comes back (75). 3. The two boys cross together again (150). One stays with his mother and the other (75) rows back to his waiting father. 4. Then the father rows across (145) and joins his wife. The boy who was waiting with his mother (75) then rows back to where his brother is waiting. 5. The two boys (150) row back and join the parents.

Here’s this week’s teaser: Two fathers and two sons were fishing one afternoon. They managed to catch one big fish, one medium fish and one small fish.

Since only three fish were caught, how are they able to bring home a whole fish each?