WIT & WISDOM:Learning the art of communication

I know exactly what I want to say, exactly what I mean, but it too often comes out all wrong.

I think it was Churchill who is credited with saying that when communicating, say it three times; once for each ear and once for the heart.

The problem is that when you make a statement, perhaps to a loved one, it is likely that the person is wrapped up in thought and doesn’t even hear the first couple of words and, taking away few words, will often change the entire meaning. In addition, I learnt on my very first business conference I attended in London over 50 years ago when I speak I am doing so through the filters of my understanding, and you hear it through the filters of your understanding.

Maybe not a great example, but I heard a very funny story the other day, which demonstrates.

Old Jimmy overheard a conversation between a young couple as they dined in a restaurant. The man gazed lovingly into the young lady and said, ‘Darling, when I look into your eyes, time stands still’. Well, Jimmy thought that would really impress his Maggie, so later that evening as they feasted on a hastily purchased fish supper, he decided to repeat what he had heard the young man say, and so he looked into Maggie’s bloodshot eyes and whispered:‘Maggie, your face would stop a clock’.

Like me, Jimmy knew exactly what he meant, but in the words of the Jim Croce song, ‘Every time I tried to tell you the words just came out wrong...’

There’s a much misunderstood quotation in the New Testament where Jesus gave his disciples a ‘new commandment’. It was not another commandment, but properly understood it was to replace all the other 630 that had morphed out of Moses’ 10. He said, ‘I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other, just as I have loved you.’

So how do we love each other? Is it just by words that can be so easily misunderstood?

I don’t think so, I like to think of the word ‘love’ as a verb and not a noun, it’s an action word, reminiscent of the words attributed to Francis of Assisi. ‘Preach at all times, and if you have to, use words’.

Actions always speak louder.