Police turn cattle rustlers

The ‘long-horn’ of the law was called to round up a number of cows on the loose around Portadown Health Centre.

And, true to form, the PSNI Craigavon Facebook team had their pun book out ‘milking’ the situation for some fun with the ‘cow-tastrophe’.

Police said (and we are sorry for repeating some of these): “You may have HERD about this one already...

“We were called to a scene of udder carnage earlier today when several cows took a trip to Portadown Health centre.

“With sick people around, the steaks were high. The Sergeant made clear there were to be no calf measures when it came to sorting the issue out. Our aim is always... Cowping People Safe.

“Auld & Wise I was in the calfeteria when the call came in. It brought BACK memories of calls gone by. That’s right, he had a severe sense of... deja moo.

“Regardless, he leapt into action and, accompanied by Wee S and Young M, he took stock of the situation quickly, steering the crew to the area.

“Having got the cows cornered, he herd what they had to say, and it was a sorry tail...

“There’d been some beef between two young calves for some time now, and things came to a head last night in a fight over a duvet. Both cows were fresian, leaving one thoroughly miserabull. Mummy cow tried to intervene telling both youngsters, ‘It’s pasture bedtime’, however, with hooves flying, the damage was done and as a result, one of the calfs attended the health centre this morning... for a graze.

“It’s ok, we’ve beefed up security, got them moooooved on, and they are are now safely back behind bars... and that, Craigavon, is what no sleep does to your brain!

And the hastag book was definitely in play - #CowpingPeopleSafe and #WhenThePigsMetTheCows