Reason for wider footpaths explained

For the past few months I have been scratching my head and wondering what the widening of the footpaths in Lurgan town was all about.

Suddenly it dawned on me one day. As you know, 80 per cent of the Lurgan females are rotund.

These footpaths mean that when two of the females described meet, they can get past each other without one stepping on to the roadway, as it was like on the old footpaths.

EDITOR'S NOTE:- We would be more than happy to give Lurgan's ladies - rotund or otherwise - the opportunity to respond to this 'gentleman'. You can text us on 84455 (remember to start your message LMCOMMENT) or e-mail [email protected]

The more old fashioned among you can write to me at Lurgan Mail, 4 High Street, Lurgan.

The views expressed in the above letter are entirely the author's and in no way represent the view of the Lurgan Mail - so all hate mail directed at him!