‘People say it’s only a game but football means so much more ...I’ve a family at Portadown’

With football a glaring gap in our social calendars during the Coronavirus lockdown, lifelong Portadown fan Dean Irwin has been a vocal and welcome social media presence in highlighting the power of the beautiful game.

The 39-year-old, who was diagnosed with severe depression over a decade ago, considers walking through the gates and supporting his hometown club a welcome “escape from the dark”.

Irwin’s poems and videos on Twitter - along with his honest insights into life with the illness - have been met with widespread praise for a courage in sharing his emotions and hope increased awareness can help others suffering in silence.

Central to Irwin’s message is the positive role played by football in general and specifically as a fan of Portadown, Leeds United and Northern Ireland.

“People say it’s only a game but it means so much more...I’ve a family at Portadown,” he said. “Walking in and having that familiarity, spending time among hundreds of people all feeling the same way about what’s going on out on the pitch and being in that situation together - it is a place I can go to feel safe and comfortable.

“It’s been an escape from the dark and if I’ve been feeling the hopelessness I can go to the match and everything leaves my mind for those few hours.

“It is massively important and we should never under-estimate its power and value, I would be lost without it.

“And since I’ve been so open on social media about my struggles, I’ve had messages from people around the club and many coming up to talk to me directly and share views on everything.

“To get a message or a kind word from someone on the management team or a player means the world and I’m so grateful for that support from people in and around the club.

“I suffer the same way as any fan does, we all accept the highs and lows and I still struggle to sleep before a big game.

“But no matter what happens on the pitch it is always a release from my mental health problems, never a trigger.

“There has been so much talk about how much we’ve missed football and everything that makes us love it - it’s not just about what’s going on out on the pitch, it’s the camaraderie and the routine.

“For a time I was probably scared to say something to my friends or people at the football - it was seen as a man’s environment and a weakness to show vulnerability and your emotions.

“But, once I did open up, I found nothing but support and that continues to this day.

“There is a family connection too to football - my parents, Janet and Sid, took me to Ports games practically from when I was born.

“I’ve some of my best memories celebrating Portadown wins and following the team.

“Now I get to bring my three children - Isaac (13), Micah (11) and Annie (4) - to games and continue that connection and it is great to see them enjoying it all just the same way.”

After bouts of tiredness, a visit to the doctor helped provide Irwin with an unexpected answer to his concerns.

“Back in March 2009 I was feeling drained and had lost any enthusiasm, so ended up going to visit the doctor and was diagnosed as having severe depression,” he said. “I broke down and started to cry to be honest, it was so difficult to understand why that could happen to me given everything good I had in my life.

“It took me a long time to get an understanding of it as an illness not a choice and, thankfully, people in general are more inclined to view it as such and respond in a really positive way.

“The online videos and poems - and just generally deciding to be open about my feelings - are all tools to help me cope and, in turn, maybe send out that same message to others.

“The stigma is not as strong as it used to be and, hopefully, when we get past this current Cornovirus crisis after so long in lockdown and without access to our social connections, there will be an even greater appreciation of mental health issues.

“Social media can be such a negative place at times but I’ve found it to be a real positive and a big help.

“The interaction online has, at times, been my only engagement with the outside world when I’ve struggled to leave the house.

“Instead of bottling everything up it has allowed me to put my views out there in the public domain, share my experience and, hopefully, help someone else to not feel as alone.

“A video I did as a Northern Ireland fan back in February really generated a lot of feedback and it took a lot for me to pluck up the courage to go ahead and be that open in that way but my motivation was to try and raise awareness and help others.

“Every day practically I get messages from Leeds United fans as well checking up on me and offering advice and support.

“The music videos started out just as a laugh as I knew I would be stuck inside during the lockdown.

“The creative part of rewriting the lyrics or even the poems I’ve done about Portadown and Leeds and how much I miss the football, all of that is another way of expressing what I’m thinking.

“Getting it out on paper helps to clear my head and make sense of things.”

--

A message from the Editor:

Thank you for reading this story on our website. While I have your attention, I also have an important request to make of you.

In order for us to continue to provide high quality and trusted local news on this free-to-read site, I am asking you to also please purchase a copy of our newspaper whenever you are able to do so.

Our journalists are highly trained and our content is independently regulated by IPSO to some of the most rigorous standards in the world.

But being your eyes and ears comes at a price. So we need your support more than ever to buy our newspapers during this crisis.

With the coronavirus lockdown having a major impact on many of our local valued advertisers - and consequently the advertising that we receive - we are more reliant than ever on you helping us to provide you with news and information by buying a copy of our newspaper when you can safely.

You can also enjoy unlimited access to the best news from across Northern Ireland and the UK by subscribing to newsletter.co.uk

With a digital subscription, you can read more than five articles, see fewer ads, enjoy faster load times, and get access to exclusive newsletters and content. Visit https://www.newsletter.co.uk/subscriptions now to sign up.

Thank you